Fast track to nowhere

The eagle eyed physiotherapist noticed it straight away “You’ve got another one”.

“Yeah but its second hand. I got it from trade me. It was cheap. It doesn’t really count”.

You know you have a problem with fitness gadgets when you’re having to justify their purchase to your health professional. I seem to remember a similar conversation with him when I bought the Garmin Vivoactive too. Although that time, I also remember trying to cover it up with my sleeve. I had relapsed. I had only declared to my personal trainer two weeks before that I wasn’t going to get one as I was happy pairing the Garmin Vivofit with a chest strap to get all the data I needed.

And here I am again, this time with a Jawbone Up 3 ( My second Jawbone) on my wrist.

“I got it for my sleep”desperately clutching at straws.

He looks a bit confused and says something akin to…”just go to bed”.


It is ridiculous. It’s not like I have issues with motivation. I train often and I train hard. And it’s not like these bands track anything that I really need to know. What I really need is for a band to count my reps, check my form, make me dig deep and give me strategies for improvement. None of them can do that which is why I see Joseph.  But I still keep getting them thinking that they will give me the edge.


My obsession with fitness gadgets goes back a long time. I was also into pedometers too, even though I hated walking. I had a cat eye cycle computer on my bike so I could see easily that my uphill cycling pace was marginally slower than me walking in heels. I’ve always loved lists, and new things so the fitness tracker was the perfect bringer of happiness.

Except it isn’t. Because beyond being able to tell when my heart is about to explode in RPM sprint class, there is little about them that is useful to me. My fitness hasn’t improved. I could argue that I am more mindful of my bed time after having jawbone buzzing to tell me to turn in, but I’m not doing any more than I was before I got my first one 18 months ago. I’m not walking more because it didn’t make me like walking. Pokemon Go has had me more enthusiastic than clearing a move bar. I don’t care for step competitions with friends. Challenge me to some wall balls if you want a competition. That I could get into. It turns out the things that are the real challenges to my fitness, the tracker can do nothing to address.

What really gets in the way of me reaching my fitness goals are the things I do or don’t put in my mouth. I actively resist putting water in my mouth due to a rare, sub-acute form of rabies. So I try to get all my hydration needs from white flour goodies and fried fatty chunks of deliciousness. It is not entirely successful. Sure there are apps for logging food and drink but, unlike steps and heart rate, these can’t be monitored automatically. What I need is a device for noticing all the things that go in my  mouth. Oh wait. I have one. It’s called my arse. I need to go into product development with Garmin to come up with a mouth tracker.

In the meantime, no doubt I will continue to buy trackers, aiming to solve all of my issues with technology. I aready have obsessively researched the new Garmin vivoactive and vivosmart. They don’t offer me anything over what I have no, beyond novelty and hope. I seem to have a misguided faith and hope in what technology can offer me. It probably goes back to the time that I upgraded my ZX spectrum thinking that I would become a whizz with computers, but instead, I just continued to play hole in the wall. Given that the market is awash with trackers, they must be working for somebody, I certainly see a lot of them about, but unless I was a runner or triathlete with a serious GPS watch, I fail to see their usefulness for people like me. However, usefulness aside, there’s no guarantee that I wont get another one. Because they do look kind of nifty.

I’ll just take it off next time I’m at the Physio.



In terms of what goes in my mouth, I’m now reading Fat Loss on a Monday because its real sensible eating for training advice. I figure that If I’m going to spend all this money and time training and recovering these muscles it might be nice to see one or two of them.



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