A few months back, I came home from work feeling pretty shitty. Not because I have another 6000 or so days to go until I retire, but because I had a cold. This isn’t a sympathy gathering post. I have a cold, not some tropical disease involving 2 metre long worms under my skin. Its just a simple little virus with a capacity for making strong women weak and miserable and just a little bit pathetic. Continue reading “Vitamin Orange”
First day back at work after the new year. Old routine and familiar faces are cues for habits I’m trying to extinguish. There are things I need to buy. Surely.
The answer is to do the groceries today. Two days early. When the cupboards are full because we’ve been away. Groceries are legitimate. Groceries will end the physical manifestation of my anxiety. My arms hurt. My mouth is dry. To go grocery shopping though will only prolong the feeling. Because my brain isn’t clever enough to know the difference between need-to and have-to shopping just yet. The groceries will just me an alleviation of the discomfort of withdrawal. And I will have to go through it all again. With an added air of disappointment, and a little less hope to draw upon.
It feels just like stopping smoking. Or more recently, stopping using my phone in the car.
It felt impossible until it was done.
The best way to keep a bad habit going is to keep doing it. So today at least, I’ll stick to the goal, knowing that soon I will be able to bask in smuggery, old clothes and great intentions
There was a moment last year when I decide to catalogue all the clothes that I had bought over the year. It left me unsettled. How could I have bought so much and still have so little to wear on any given day. New occasions, events, and people had me buying new items as I desperately tried to make myself stand out and not stand out in equal measure. I ended the year feeling overwhelmed by stuff and making a commitment not to buy more as I had end the year with more and yet I didn’t feel more anything.
It seems common these days to end the year with a commitment to simplicity and I can see how attractive this becomes after the richness and excess of Christmas. Certainly I could benefit with a paring down of my possessions and thus, into existence swept a list of rules that would see me more prosperous and connected by the end of the coming year.
Continue reading “Spend-Free 2017: A commitment to simplicity and angst”
Short and sweet for me this week, but I wanted to share my new thing!
There’s this saying that when one door closes, another one opens. The flaw in this is that it assumes that you are in a room with more than one door. Sometimes when one door closes you are stuffed.
Stuck in a room with only yourself for all eternity, eating your own toenails and drinking your own pee. If you are in a room with two doors, there is no guarantee that the other one will open, Unless the first door slammed an this created some kind of draught, of air pressure change that then caused the other door to open because it wasn’t properly closed to start with. Truly though, what generally happens when one door closes, is that we open it again. Which is how most of us avoid getting stuck in toilets for ever and having our faces chewed off by rats. Continue reading “When one door closes”
There has been quite a bit of navel contemplation lately. The thought of an MRI has filled with me with dread, not for any reasonable fear, like being scared that an unrestrained fire extinguisher may hurl itself at my head. Nor the thought that some long forgotten piece of metal ingested as a child is going to burst, Ripley like, from my belly. What actually concerns me the most is that I may have to remove my navel ring. Continue reading “Navel Gazing and the Reward Principle”
The first time I came across the internet I was in Aston, Birmingham. An unlikely place to make a life changing discovery, but it was here, circa 1997, in the flat above my sister’s pub, that I discovered currantbun.com, the Sun newspaper’s website of the time.