Freakin’ Feelings

First day back at work after the new year. Old routine and  familiar faces are cues for habits I’m trying to extinguish. There are things I need to buy. Surely.

The answer is to do the groceries today. Two days early. When the cupboards are full because we’ve been away. Groceries are legitimate. Groceries will end the physical manifestation of my anxiety. My arms hurt. My mouth is dry. To go grocery shopping though will only prolong the feeling. Because my brain isn’t clever enough to know the difference between need-to and have-to shopping just yet. The groceries will just me an alleviation of the discomfort of withdrawal. And I will have to go through it all again. With an added air of disappointment, and a little less hope to draw upon.

It feels just like stopping smoking. Or more recently, stopping using my phone in the car.

It felt impossible until it was done.

The best way to keep a bad habit going is to keep doing it. So today  at least, I’ll stick to the goal, knowing that soon I will be able to bask in smuggery, old clothes and great intentions

what we do


Spend-Free 2017: A commitment to simplicity and angst

There was a moment last year when I decide to catalogue all the clothes that I had bought over the year. It left me unsettled. How could I have bought so much and still have so little to wear on any given day. New occasions, events, and people had me buying new items as I desperately tried to make myself stand out and not stand out in equal measure. I ended the year feeling overwhelmed by stuff and making a commitment not to buy more as I had end the year with more and yet I didn’t feel more anything.

It seems common these days to end the year with a commitment to simplicity and I can see how attractive this becomes after the richness and excess of Christmas. Certainly I could benefit with a paring down of my possessions and thus,  into existence swept  a list of rules that would see me more prosperous and connected by the end of the coming year.
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