First day back at work after the new year. Old routine and familiar faces are cues for habits I’m trying to extinguish. There are things I need to buy. Surely.
The answer is to do the groceries today. Two days early. When the cupboards are full because we’ve been away. Groceries are legitimate. Groceries will end the physical manifestation of my anxiety. My arms hurt. My mouth is dry. To go grocery shopping though will only prolong the feeling. Because my brain isn’t clever enough to know the difference between need-to and have-to shopping just yet. The groceries will just me an alleviation of the discomfort of withdrawal. And I will have to go through it all again. With an added air of disappointment, and a little less hope to draw upon.
It feels just like stopping smoking. Or more recently, stopping using my phone in the car.
It felt impossible until it was done.
The best way to keep a bad habit going is to keep doing it. So today at least, I’ll stick to the goal, knowing that soon I will be able to bask in smuggery, old clothes and great intentions